Hope for Tomorrow

I have so much hope for the future as I settle down for rest tonight. My first 6 weeks here have felt like a nightmare at times, but I see God all around me... I know that hearts are changed by the Gospel. The Gospel is the message here, its the story, its the words on our breath, its the reason and our hope. I came here for different reasons and most have faded away but the Gospel remains.

I don't want to live my life under my own power. I want to rely on the Holy Spirit. I am starting to seek God about my future again, while at the same time making the most of this opportunity. This work has revealed so many of my weaknesses which the Lord will overcome and I have a strong passion for Christ that I don't always feel that I can articulate. Honestly I feel more comfortable typing or writing words than speaking them... But my perspective is changing so much and my desires change alongside my perceptions.

I see how important education is right now. I feel that I missed the bus on getting a good education but I dont want to give up just yet. I feel a major push in my heart towards Bible College after my time with MCYM is complete. I am starting to pray and seek God about my education, I am listening for His voice and meditating on His Word.

Please pray that the Lord will clearly guide me to the right school next year just as He has clearly led me to this moment. All my faith is in the fact that He is good, I just desire to do the task that He has created me for... I think that's what I've been looking for for so long.

Let's call this the COMEBACK...

The days keep coming as the sun keeps rising and falling through the sky. My arm's in a sling to keep my collarbone from moving and I'm starting to engage the student culture here in Heidelberg once again.

We had a great middle school guys small group yesturday at the Java Cafe on post. (Java is our equivalent to Starbucks) We met up and just kicked back and shared life for a while, spoke truth and encouraged each other toward Christ. I love the small group setting, the opportunity to be real, to unveil the real you... it's a place that we can share our victories and bear each others burdens.

Our small group is really starting to gel now. We had so much fun yesturday we've decided to meet up tonight for round two at the bowling alley with pizza for dinner. Our small group has been so much fun for me and it's one of the best times I have to connect with the students, I just wanted to write and share with you how God is making this work. It's all for Him!

Looking for Love

If love is a commitment... If love is a choice... If love is laying your life down for someone else... If love is mercy... If love is a product of grace... If love is more than a clashing cymbal... If love is forever... If love is a one way street... If love is truth... If love is light... If love is humble... If love is giving... If love is in Jesus... COUNT ME IN!

It's all I've wanted since I was about 7 years old. My parents divorced when I was in 2nd grade and in that moment all the realities of life crashed into my soul like a flood of strife, angst, anxiety and doubt. I thought that if my family couldn't stay together than nothing could hold together. I saw the division and how it changed every aspect of my reality. From that moment I desired to find a love of my own that could withstand any struggle, that could overcome any obstacle. I know now what I didn't know then...

My heart was crying out for Jesus. I was being filled with a desire for an incorruptable love. My circumstances were crushing me, yet the hope of Christ was seeping through the cracks in my life. I'll confess that I have struggled the last few days asking God why this has all happened to me. Sometimes I question God when I cannot see His ways. I guess I really wanted to write this to renew my own faithfullness... He has overcome every obstacle in my life to this point and called me His own. This is just a reminder to myself that any situation can be used to honor Him if we hold on to the hope of His life.

The further down we must go... The higher we will RISE to be with Him.

The Latest

So just to give an update:

I visited my orthopedic doctor today in Heidelberg and after much discussion we have decided to take the most conservative route for healthcare on my shoulder. We are gonna monitor the healing and see if the bones will start to mend themselves over the next few weeks. We are also praying that the knumbness in my arm and chest will go away as the bones reset and begin to grow back together.

Thankfully we have found a physiotherapie office on the Hauptstrasse in Ladenburg about two or three blocks away from where I live, which is convienient considering my lack of transportation. The cost is also very low for Physical Therapy at this location which helps considering my situation.

Over the next 14 weeks the healing process will unfold and I am hoping in the Lord and His ability to fix me. Just wanted to give you the latest...

-ROB

Health Update

Ive got a medical appointment this afternoon with a neurosurgeon to scan my brain, neck and shoulder i believe. MRI. My collar bone is jacked up for sure. The newest struggle I am having is that the bones are pinching the nerves under my clavical and its causing my chest to go knumb. There are also a few nerves in my neck that were probably affected by whiplash and its causing my left arm and sometimes my left leg to go knumb. The doctors are gonna scan my head today and hopefully everything will be ok so that I can have surgery soon. Normally I would have already been operated on but since I had amnesia for about an hour they need to know that my head is ok before they put me under again. It's nice to have my mom here right now to help me make the correct decisions and get through this process. I still dont know how long the recovery process will take from surgery but hopefully we will know that soon. I just wanted to write this to update anyone who wanted to know whats going on with my head, neck and collar bone. Thank the Lord for that helmet because it most def saved my life.

Never Give Up

time gets rough when you feel the pain
life gets cold in the frozen rain
i keep looking forward never gonna give up
dont look back cause its never enough
it takes Christ to mend a broken life
it takes innocent blood to pay the price
our God was broken on a tree
He gave Himself for you and me
He is the truth He'll never give you up
He humbled Himself and drank a bitter cup
at the sound of victory all heaven proclaims
salvation comes through Jesus' name
this rocky road is starting to turn
the stars in the sky look like they burn
keep walking with Jesus and be like Him
He's the giver of life... He conquered sin...

joy

so i havent had the chance to blog for a week because i've been up a mountain and landed on my head, tied up and rushed to a german hospital where i would undergo 4 days of laying on my back waiting to get my clavical operated on because its splintering into my muscle right now... that was a glorious run on sentence. i know my grammar and punctuation is always lacking but i have to type with one hand today so it may seem progressively worse this afternoon.

all i can say about the last week is that i am experiencing true JOY... you wouldnt think a barrage of madness could instigate something like joy but i tell you that i feel loved, i feel broken in the best sort of way, i am optimistic about the future and i am who i am because Jesus loves me. i wouldnt be here without the support of family and friends and its possible that one could live an entire life and miss out on the joy that comes from knowing Christ. i know that joy and i trust Him by faith. the opposition can shake the world, break my bones, disturb my heart and i may even be alone but i am with Him. i am a branch that gets life from the true vine, accepting no imitations.

situations force you to choose your path. our selfish hearts long for the comfy road of sunshine blue skies 75 degrees and nothing can derail our plans and goals. we try to become someone we are not at times because we want to fit in with the world. have you ever taken the narrow road? the narrow road doesnt always make sense, you may not even have a place to rest your head or you may skip out on a meal every now and then... you may feel like you are digressing on this path, you may feel like you arent even getting where you want to go but the narrow road is not about you... its about you becoming who God wants you to be. im not done yet, and theres no turning back. its on this road that ive found joy holding hands with pain, where love overcomes loneliness and where light saturates the darkness.

all im trying to say is True Joy is found in the True Vine. Jesus is the rock when everything is spinning, and you find Him on the narrow road.

im empty but full of life

im a sinner yet He stands in my place

i am full of pain and joy and peace

i am weary yet confident in His Word

nothing can seperate me from the love of Jesus Christ.

Everything Cool Happens in Europe

A month ago today my world changed... Heading east with starry eyes and a heart on fire I embraced the madness of being thrust into this "new" world like a fish out of water. I could feel the tremors of a life being changed through my mind, my heart, my prayer life, the way I walked with God, the way I intently would hang on each new verse that would give me a momentary life sustaining gasp of spiritual oxygen. I resisted the Spirit at times, doubted God's provision, recalculated the sum of the decisions that brought me here and faced the truth. The truth that God truly loves me enough to curb my selfish desires and break me for His glory is a hard one to wrap my one track mind around. I speak honestly when I tell you that I begged God for a mercy that could only come from him, I asked for a peace that could calm all my fears and I asked Him to make Himself known by my life and the way I live. I've even asked Him to help me write that I may accurately share with you how amazing His grace truly is.

I am a product of mercy, a child of grace, I write that you may know that it is worth it. Follow Him. Loose your hands and get a better grip on life. Empty yourself in silence, find Him in the midst of the chaos. Beauty grows despite the mess. I came to the realization this week that it would glorify God the most if I would just complete my joy in Him by finding my rest in Him. I no longer want to strive after the empty paths of self and comfort. I am very uncomfortable in the flesh but at home in the Spirit. I'm chasing this wild goose that keeps calling my name.

I had a wonderful day today with my friend Olivia. We spent the afternoon practically doing nothing but sharing life. The sky opened up today and we just reveled in the newness of the light. Mediocre tasks like an oil change, a trip to the post office and an afternoon in a McCafe just
seemed to cement the idea in my heart that this is all orchestrated by God. Its in His timing that Ive found true rest. Its His love that has put amazing people in my life. I have a lot to learn from the friends God has put in my life. I got a package from my penpal today and I cant help but know that it is God that has put her in my life. I'm listening to the "Everything Cool Happens in Europe Mix" she made me as I type and it all makes sense. He died for us that we may know Him. There's no mathmatical equation to forgiveness, it's all a byproduct of God's love and His character. Jesus shedding His blood for all mankind on the cross proves that He cares, whether you except that or not He is still worthy of all we have. Whether life is hard or not He is still on the throne. Whether the earth shakes or all is still every knee shall bow and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord. The Word of God will never be altered, He will never forsake His children, He diciplines us because He wants the best for us. He wants us to know Him in a way that changes everything about our lives.

I walked home tonight and just listened to the water of the Neckar River flow under the railroad bridge that crosses from Ladenburg. The sky was G3 and the moon seemed full, it was the first time Ive seen the moon since Florida. It has been so overcast and Ive missed it all the days to this point. G3 is rare in this valley this time of year. Is your life overcast? Just because you cant see what God is doing in your life doesnt mean He isnt there. You may think you will never see that light again, you may even forget its there but I assure you, that moonlight tonight caught my eyes and i couldnt even look away.

One Fine Day!

Today began with a howl... and I do mean screaming squall lines racing through the sky stampeding their way through the valley toward the hills. Sideways rain and city walls deflecting the winds and forever changing their course. I opened my eyes and felt that I couldn't make my morning walk to Neckarhausen in these conditions so I called Ashley to scoop me up and we journeyed through the passing skies to Campbell where the gym and raquetball courts are. On the ride over the squall passed and the sun broke through the sky in a familiar chorus of bright morning bliss. With Tenth Avenue North seaping through the speakers it was the first full on Florida moment I've had since I've been here.

We hit the Raquetball for a while and lifted some weights, got the blood pumping and took off to the middle school for some contact work. I had a really interesting conversation with a student today and it really just put a smile on my face. We also had a pizza party for the raffle winner of Fear Factor and 5 of his friends at 1st lunch. It was cool to meet some new kids and just chill with them eating pizza. Today was off to a great start.

After middle school lunch I was dropped off at the Shopping Post where I would take my driver's test again, since I had failed it the first two times. Hey, it's not as easy as you would think... but I passed it today! I got a 97 and put that behind me. In retrospect, it probably worked out for the good because I really do understand how the system works now because I've had to study that book so much lately. Failing the test the first two times was really hard on my self-esteem, I think a little air was let out of my ego each failing attempt. I'm not saying I'm prideful now that I passed but for a guy, being able to drive is a very necessary attribute in the repertoire.

Next on the Agenda, a last minute skit rehersal and costume tweak session. The theme for high school Club tonight was "Red Carpet Club." We held Club in the Village Pavilion which is a very nice dining hall. The kinda spiffy place you'd hold a formal dance or yuppie conference or just maybe "a Red Carpet Club." Me, my friends, the students, everyone and your mom dressed up as movie stars.. I was goin for Mark Ruffalo/John Cusak (since they are my favorite actors) but it was probably more like Robbie in a blazer. The night began with some hor d'ouevres, a tall glass of water and then transitioned into a "first kiss video." Jenna & Laura interviewed a few of us and asked us to describe peanut butter on camera. Of course we said that its creamy or chunky and gets stuck in your teeth. But then they used our footage to answer the question... What was your first kiss like? After that funny video... myself, Austin and Phil did a SNL skit where Jim Carrey was a lifeguard and Will Ferrel is chillin in a hot tub. HILARIOUS moment! We also got to show our Beach Break Promo Wake Up Videos. We gave out Oscars to the best videos in each category... Best Male Wake Up Vid. Best First Kiss Vid. One more skit was on tap for the night involving myself and a few friends. We did the "More Cowbell" sketch from SNL. It was so funny! My friend Mike Hart did an awesome Christopher Walken in the skit. Finally at the end of the night, Laura gave a great Club Talk on how Jesus was the perfect sacrifice for all sin. She explained how sin could only be forgiven through His blood. She explained that we each have sinned and have fallen short of His glory, yet He loved us so much He made Himself the Way. We had 45 students at Club to hear this message of grace and mercy. The same Gospel that changed us is still being proclaimed. I am thankful to be a part of God's redemption plan. What could be better than pointing others toward the light, toward the Christ... What could be better than helping them find true love.

YOU GET HIM (and He is enough!)

Expectations are a tricky thing. Deep down with every decision we make I think we all expect some certain result. I think the result is sometimes the motivation that pushes the decision forward. Yet many times we make decisions prayerfully as we seek God and listen for His voice. What next? If we act based on our time with God in His Word and through the answer of our prayers we should experience the will of God in our lives. The only way I can truly write honestly about this is to personalize it. This is the intersection where I find myself right now.

I have travelled abroad based on a need in this ministry. Through prayer and petition I asked God to speak to me and to lead me or to keep me where I was. I have certain scriptures that I could still share with you that led me to take each step. There were obstacles that were moved for me to get here and God has reassured me that I am where I belong time and time again since my arrival. But this is the question I am asking today, this is the crossroad I tread upon:

Why is it so different than I expected? Why were my expectations so far off?

I think these two questions should be asked by most of us regarding a decision we've made. God has you were you are for many reasons...

Isaiah 55:8-9 says, "My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways,' says the Lord. 'For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, And My thoughts than your thoughts."

I write to share with you that certain expectations I had about this place have been exceeded and a few things I felt certain about have sort of shattered in my mind. Its sort of the way Jesus turns everything upside down. My high expectations have been brought low, and my low expectations have been wonderfully uplifted.

low to high:
I came here for the students, not for the location. I travelled to Europe when I was 15 and I didn't like it very much. I thought the food was bad and there was no sunshine and I got homesick after a few weeks. And to be honest Germany was my least favorite place I had visited. So I was naturally hesitant and filled with low expectations about living here. But now that I am settling in and being planted here, as my shallow roots begin to take I am loving this place. I love the food here so much and I will truly miss that when I leave, I love the architecture, the history andI love being immersed in a foreign culture.

high to low:
I travelled this way thinking that I would spend a lot of time with students and just rest in God's will. I thought that if I could follow Christ in obedience to come, saturate myself in the Word and serve with an open heart that everything would just fall into place (like a Christian fairy tale.) But thats not life and thats not the reality of following God. The reality of following, knowing and being with Christ is that YOU GET HIM (and He is enough!) The truth behind this mission is that:

"I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me." Galations 2:20

So as far expectations go, living for God is unexpected. You know not when, where or how He will lead you, but we know why... because of His love. So do not fear the unexpected uncertainties that come with being a follower... Because YOU GET HIM (and He is enough!)

Yesturday

"Freaky Friday" was the busiest day so far for me on this side of the ocean. I had crashed on Thursday night at my friend Austin's house as we prepared for the day ahead. The day began before the sun had time to rise, @ 5am alarm clocks were calling for the tasks at hand. I rolled over and out of bed through the shower and into the early morning with high hopes and butterflies, expectation and anticipation.

Task 1 (6 am): Make a "Wake Up Call Promo Video".
Austin had pre-arranged an ok with a high school student's parental units for us to sneak in early, set up some embarrasing props and startle the sleeping student to life. The goal was to make this video a promo for Beach Break in Italy this summer. We made our way up to the door quietly, slowly and softly. With the video camera ready to roll, flashlight ready to shine and noise makers ready to cause ruckus we entered the room. We had brought a cute little Dora the Explorer blanket to drape over the sleeping victim of this Wake Up. With the embarrasing blanket in place we shined the light directly into his eyes, got crazy loud and disturbed the inner peace of the room. It was hilarious and even though I havent seen the video playback yet I'm sure it came out good. We woke him screaming, "Josh, It's almost time for Beach Break are you going? Are you excited? Wake Up man, It's almost time for Beach Break!!!" then as the camera pans down we ask... "Josh, Why do you sleep with a Dora blanket?" So funny..

Task 2 (11 am): Go to Middle School lunch to amp up the students for Fear Factor
Its always fun going to the Middle School for lunch. Today we just tried to get the students stoked about Fear Factor after school. A lot of kids were really excited to go and see what would happen.

Fear Factor (3 pm): After preparing for this event the last two weeks I was anxious to see the creepy crawly unfold. We had 5 event stations consisting of different games and fear challenges. I think we had about 90 students attend the event. There was a physical challenge with a complete relay obstacle course. An event called "Gone Fishin'" where students, without using their hands, had to pick up fish in their mouths and run across a tarp about 20 feet and drop the fish in a bucket. The team with the most fish in the shortest amount of time would win. Next there was a "Grab & Guess" station. Inside a bag was an unkown item that the students would have to conquer their fears to feel around and guess the name of the object. With items like Octopus, Peanut Butter, Noodles, Sardines and more. The next event you had to fire a nerf gun at a board with about 7 disgusting things to eat and 1 good thing being chocolate. You would get more points for a more disturbing item to eat. The last event was a contortionist spelling contest with words taken from a Bible passage. The students would have to spell a word from the passage correctly using their bodies to get points. A word like "Gennesaret" would be worth 20 points. After all the fear challenges, my friend Olivia gave a talk about conquering the fear in our lives, and how Jesus wants to be our way out of those fears. When we are fearful we should turn to Him.

Capture the Flag/Camp Fires (8pm): After cleaning up from Fear Factor we set up for a night with the High Schoolers playing Capture the Flag in 34 degree rain. We had some fires blazing under the gazebo with smores and hot chocolate. We had three teams of about ten people each representing the US, Germany and Britian. We played and played and ran and got soaked and bathed in the cold mud and it was beautiful. We had three zones and the course proved to be a great place for some Capture the Flag. My team won one round of the game. Later in the frigid night Austin gave one of the best invitations I've ever heard. He simply shared the Gospel from his heart, without persuasive or noble words he shared the heart of God to forgive us. He shared that we as leaders have been changed by this relationship we have with him. It was funny but the Holy Spirit was also penetrating hearts last night. Hearing him speak made me feel so alive to know that I know Jesus, that I too am the light of the world. Thats something worth sharing.

The entire day culminated in that talk for me. All the hard word to plan these events was validated by the Gospel. The fact that we all are sinners, yet Jesus died so that we may be made new, forgiven, changed, awoken to Him, made alive. He died, was buried and rose again. That resurrection power is still alive today... conquering sin, breaking chains and setting the captives free!

Learning to Hang On

I've had an easy life up to this point. I am and always have been a dreamer. Early in life it was hard for me to pay attention or to get my homework done. I used to dream as a young boy should about growing up near the water, camping trips with cub scouts and building tree forts in the back yard. My childhood always seemed to be entwined with thoughts of the river. Life has had it's moments, but the Christian life up to this point had been pretty easy. I went to church a few times a week, prayed as much as I could, I grew closer to Jesus and the trials did come but never like this.

The mysteries of ministry are unraveling all around me. It takes not only spiritual but mental strength to deal with the day to day situations that appear out of thin air. Cause the truth is that people are hurting, sin is real and bottom line... WE NEED JESUS. And that's a heavy burden to carry around in this tiny heart. God has been speaking, to me and to others. He pleads through us... We are now light as the darkness surrounds us. These recent days the waves have gotten larger, my ship is tossed and the shore is no where to be seen. The truth is a beacon that will guide me home.

I want to make the most of this. I don't want to go through these storms without learning from the lessons at hand. My mind runs away from me sometimes, I will confess this. I start looking for a way out. Sometimes I imagine the worst and expect the least. But we serve a God who is full of life, able to fulfill all of His purposes in you and me. As the storm rages I will not let go, because I know that He will not let go of me. As the pressure builds I will speak the truth and be set free. As the darkness comes I will shine my light and I will not be ashamed of that which lives in me. As I grow I will not look back or long for the former captivity. I will overcome.

A season to grow

Well, I'm back from a 4 day training weekend with MCYM Staff. Today is only the second full day off I've had since I arrived in Germany. The hours are long and the struggles of ministry are real here but it is so much fun to be with the students, to become part of their journey.

Our conference was for all first and second year MCYM Staff in Europe. MCYM is strongly commited to Staff training in different areas to ensure that we are equipped with the skills we need to successfully carry the Gospel to the students. We attended different sessions on Time Management Skills, How to reach out to Families, How to spend a day in silence with the Lord, How to share your testimony, Proffesionalism, How to engage Military culture, How to confront and deal with conflict, How to listen and converse more effectively, How to build a business plan for your ministry, How to lead an effective small group, How to cultivate student leaders and a few others. This training weekend was a wide-eyed time for me to just soak up these life skills and principles.. I desparetly need to grow in these areas to be used by God to my utmost potential. We've also been given homework assignments with books to read, book reports to do, scripture memorization sign offs and spirtual leader interviews that need to be conducted. Its heavy stuff for a simple beach bum like myself but I need this at this time in my life.

Club went well on Monday and Tuesday nights... Now I'm really looking forward to walking down Philosophers Way this afternoon with my friend Ashley. Its good to have a day to sit back and think about what has been and what is to come.

I miss so many people back home. I love you guys and I'm also seeing that the Lord's plan of redemption takes us all working together. Through one spirit in unity we take Good News to the world.