Chapter 3 type Faith

Truly these must be days of grace. One thing I've learned about God, when you hang on through the storms and let faith sustain you in the dark times... He always reveals Himself to be good and full of life. I've still got crazy passions and misunderstood notions of what I should do with my life and where I should be, which road I should take but I am in Christ. Wherever I go, whatever I do, I pray that I will do it unto the Lord and make what little vapor I have count. What's the use in trying to be someone else. I am willing to go anywhere, but just to be transparent... I can't discount the fact that the Lord may want to use me in ways that are different than my desires to serve Him... Yet I serve a risen Savior that also wants to give me the desires of my heart. Still, the closer I get to Jesus the more I see that my heart is desperately wicked and can't be trusted. None are righteous, no not one. But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us!!! I want to live for Him. I want to be willing to do what He calls me to, even if it's embarrasing, awkward and uncomfortable... even if I have to go against the grain and learn to speak up for truth and testify to what is right. I wanna learn to worship Jesus despite the circumstances, despite my will but in adoration of His. I want to be willing to live near or far from glassy peelers and waist high rip curls. I long to learn to love, even when I can't be loved in return. I want to be commited to the calling that God has on my life and be found faithful in the small things. I want to be a light that shines on the top of the hill into the darkness and never feels ashamed of the Spirit that's changed me. I want to be less religious and more in love with Jesus. I want to give myself and my time when I feel I've got nothing left to give, to serve in ways that people don't even notice but in ways that God sees Himself represented in me. I want to be more like Him and less like me. God change me more, give me Wisdom to live in this world for you, in Spirit and in Truth.